Detective Eric Visser is having a bad morning. His teenage daughter pulls a gun on him while he’s in the bathtub. The bakery owner he saves from a knife-wielding robber gets pissed off because Eric smashes the bad guy’s face into an elaborate cake. Then Eric has to catch a messed up serial killer with the help of his ex-friend who’s also his ex-wife’s ex-husband. The one good thing is that Eric meets the beautiful and witty Laura in the course of his investigation, but Laura may be only a couple of degrees of separation from the maniac.

I’ve seen Amsterdamned umpteen times and I find it to be all kinds of fun. It’s got attractive leads, smartass kids, a gorgeous aerial shot of the city, humor that works, decent English dubbing by the actors, and effective suspense, especially during Laura’s confrontation with the killer. It even features a final credits song with lyrics about the movie, except it’s not a very good song. But still, points for the title song’s existence. And the speedboat chase between Eric and the killer kicks ass. It’s the centerpiece of the whole film. Remember how I said Sergio Martino built the last act of his Scorpion’s Tail around “hey, y’all wanna go on a boat ride”? Dick Maas did the same thing here, only it’s the most memorable thing in the film for good reason. If I catch Amsterdamned playing on a linear channel, I’m going to stop and watch it every time just to see that chase.

Amsterdamned is near about the perfect cheesy 80s thriller. There are two sequences I could do entirely without, but I won’t go into detail. Highly recommended for fans of police procedurals, boat rides, and cake.