Here’s my latest podcast episode, transcribed to be read, or you can scroll down to listen on YouTube.

So I was thinking about Patrick Swayze yesterday, because it was the anniversary of his death, and this was my always and forever celebrity crush. I remember sitting around with some moms watching our kids do karate, and somebody said, “Well, Erin, who did you like in the ’80s?” And no question, it was Patrick Swayze. “Who do I like now?” Seventeen years after his death, that’s Patrick Swayze. I’m getting a little emotional thinking about it.

I first saw him ride his horse onto my TV when I was 10 as Orry Main. But you know what? I remember him as Orry Main. Most people remember Johnny Castle. He was so much more than that.

And why do we remember him as a dancer when he did all these other things? When I said to my husband just now, “If you hear me talking to myself in the other room, I’m doing an episode about Patrick Swayze,” he said, “I hope you have the time of your life.” So to him, it’s Johnny Castle. But he—Patrick—and I’m gonna call him Patrick. We’re on a first-name basis. He always pushed against that image.

Immediately, at the height of his fame after being in Dirty Dancing, he played a bouncer that had a penchant for ripping people’s throats out. Then he played a ghost. Then he played a bank robber. And then he had arguably his best acted role as Vida Boheme, who was possibly a drag queen, possibly a trans woman. We don’t know. But it was never just Patrick Swayze in a dress. It was Vida. And I’ve done another episode on that if you look back.

Then he came to this difficult part that kind of hangs me up, that I always thought, “This is so brave of him to take this part.” But why did he take it?

Apparently, no one wanted to take it. And it was Jim Cunningham in Donnie Darko. He starts out as a kind of a cheesy motivational speaker, and then we find out that he’s something much worse, which I’m not gonna say, but if you’ve seen the movie, you know.

I’ve seen Donnie Darko at least 25 times, probably more, and that time-loop bullshit is never gonna make sense. But from what I understand, looking at Jim Cunningham at the end, after the off-road has closed into the different timeline, and we’re all back to the beginning of the movie where Donnie should have been hit with the engine, Jim Cunningham is crying.

And we don’t know if he’s crying because he remembers getting caught, or if he’s crying out of remorse for what he did. And the movie doesn’t tell us, and Patrick, the actor, doesn’t tell us. And that’s what makes that part so dark. And that’s why I admired him even more for taking it.

And as the years went on, looking at what we’ve had happen in society with certain people, it’s an even worse part now for him to have taken. And they sure would have had trouble finding someone to play it if that movie was made today. But evidently, he took the part of Jim Cunningham because nobody wanted to play it, and because he was always trying to push against his image.

So remember him as a dancer, but remember him as so much more. He was my forever and always. There was the time before I saw him on the TV, and the time after for me.

And I’ll tell you this, just as a funny ending: I spent middle school in the ’80s hanging out with the only other kid who had taped North and South off a TV. She had moved down to Georgia from, I believe it was Philadelphia, if I remember, and the only reason we became friends was that we both liked Patrick Swayze.

And we spent those years of middle school writing Patrick Swayze fan fiction, before anybody outside of the Trek fandom even knew what fan fiction was. So that’s a little funny thing about me. Somewhere inside, I’m still that 10-year-old seeing him for the first time.

And even Orry Main—even that was a risky part, going and taking a rebel soldier who’s backing up his family’s actions and making him a romantic hero.

It started and ended with Patrick Swayze as an anti-hero. He went out doing that part on TV where he played kind of a dirty agent or cop, and I think if he hadn’t left us so young, he would have become quite a character actor. But we’ll never know.

So let me know in the comments: What was your favorite part that he played? And have a good day.