Devil’s Express, the title I originally saw this under back when Prime Video was what Tubi is now, is one of my favorite 70s movies. But I struggle to define it. Is it a martial arts movie, a blaxplotation, or a police procedural? No, it’s a Shaw Bros style black magic movie set in dirty old New York.

Luke is a community leader in what I believe is Brooklyn, and also a kung fu teacher. He goes to Hong Kong for a martial arts retreat, taking his best student, actual IRL beat ’em up master Roldan. The problem is that very near to where they go, as they would have known if they had watched the prologue section of this very movie they are in, a group of men buried an evil samurai about 2000 years ago with a special amulet to make him stay put. Now, because Roldan wants to get stronger only to further his street gang activities back in the city, the ancient baddie calls out to him psychically and he takes the amulet. When they get on the boat to come back to America, the evil spirit comes with them and possesses a man on the boat. This man then walks with his eyes closed and weird eyeballs painted on them to a subway tunnel, and then the devil thing tears him to pieces and starts preying on transit users.

The police think that some of the recent uptick in murders is due to gang activity, and some of it is, but some of it is inexplicable. The place where our stories cross, besides that Roldan is both involved in the natural murders AND is directly responsible for the supernatural ones, is that the detective on the case is a student of Luke’s and they have a grudging respect for one another. So the detective, named Chris, (the quintessential tough New York guy born in Liverpool who is strangely sort of kind and acquiescent because this is Luke’s movie) and his partner, a Barney Miller character exploding across the silver screen, ask Luke for help because he has some influence in the neighborhood and they want to go softly with the gangs. Luke figures out what is going on and visits a Chinese sorcerer with an even more ridiculous makeup job than the possessed guy from the beginning and has to go to a different dimension of time to fight the demon down in the tunnel while the demon shapeshifts into people he knows, armed only with his fists and feet and a resplendent gold jumpsuit. Got all that?

I wish this was a police procedural because I love them, and I wish it was a kung fu movie, but the way the fight scenes are shot is simply not very good, my apologies to the cinematographer because he made an even more valuable contribution to the movie. But it’s a black magic movie, which is cool too. It has the classic plot: a guy goes on vacation and messes around with something he doesn’t understand in Asia, and curses ensue. Nobody throws up worms though. It would have been even cooler if they had.

I could sit here and tell you about all the best parts, but I will highlight the scariest scene, and it’s very simple. There’s a guy just wanting to use the subway, and a voice that sounds like a robot child starts calling out to him from the darkness. Please help me. It’s dark. I’m afraid. Please help. He thinks a child is on the tracks and needs rescuing, and then he gets his head ripped off. It’s just the thought of that voice coming out of the dark that gets to me. I should be afraid of the very real rapist and gang members that are also in and around that tunnel, but it’s one of those moments I often have when watching a supernatural horror movie: I think, if this was real, it would make you literally go insane with fear. No matter how ridiculous the movie, if the thing was actually happening, you would not want to live in that world anymore.

As for the cinematographer? He got his mother cast in a great part. She’s a bag lady who walks through a train car colorfully and enthusiastically insulting everyone all down the aisle, and then screams when she finds the headless body of the would-be Samaritan.

Aside from the aforementioned Roldan (his real name), Luke is played by a guy whose stage name is Warhawk Tanzania, and while he may not be as awesome in this as his name is, he’s pretty fun to watch. I particularly like the way he emphasizes his words, which is as far as I can tell a real way that some people in New York spoke in the 70s if old ephemeral YouTube uploads of interviews with guys hanging around on the street are anything to go by. The lead cop seems like a cool guy, he was on a lot of episodes of a soap opera and had some parts on at least three of the Law and Order franchises. His goofy partner has the last line in the film, some dumb joke about a slow boat to China being a song, and my husband wondered why that was the way the movie was ended; I think it’s because there was a boat to and from China (well, Hong Kong, not the same thing I know) at the beginning. More importantly, if Devil’s Express was a Shakespeare play then the person of highest status would be the last to speak, and this guy’s whole persona besides being a goober is that he’s privileged: he plays tennis at a club and got his job through nepotism. Brother Theodore who most Gen Xers know from The Burbs is on hand to tell a pretty funny but nonsensical joke. And there’s some banging music during one of the fight scenes. It’s just 70s instrumental action music, but it elevates the otherwise awkward fight. If I knew how to edit videos I would link just that scene so you could hear it. I can’t edit yet, but I’m willing to learn. Starts at 48:38 if you look it up.

If you like Larry Cohen movies, especially Q The Winged Serpent and Black Caesar (that one is similar just for the scenery) you will Like Devil’s Express.

P.S. from the “no matter how many times I watch this” department, last night I noticed that one of the gang members had ripped the crotch of his jeans while doing all those spinning kicks. He should have bought the Chuck Norris jeans!